7 Conclusions and reflections: making sense of motherhood
This chapter draws together the theoretical debates raised by the empirical
data in relation to reflexivity, narratives and gendered selves in late modernity.
The research and fieldwork observations collected together in this book enable
us to see, close up, how mothering and motherhood are differently – and
similarly – experienced, and culturally, socially, historically and politically
patterned and shaped. The profound difficulties of voicing unexpected and
unanticipated personal experiences of early mothering are confounded by the
moral context in which women continue to mother in theWest. This context
is shaped in different ways and is underpinned by essentialist assumptions of
women’s instinctive capacities to be there for others,meeting needs and acting
responsibly. So entrenched are these assumptions that women coming to
motherhood are guided by reference to them and can be distressed and
confused when ‘natural’ and ‘instinctive’ feelings elude them in the early
days and weeks – and sometimes months – of mothering. A social self as a
mother has to be developed. But letting go of essentialist expectations can be
tricky, striking at the very core of awoman’s sense of her self as a ‘real’woman.
The parameters around what can and cannot be said in relation to our
dependent children can lead to normal ‘difficult’ experiences of earlymothering
remaining unvoiced; ironically, this self-silencing only serves to further
perpetuate the old myths ofmotherhood.The lapse of time, formanywomen,
enables them to become more practised in their mothering skills and to
become experts on identifying and meeting their children’s needs.
Mothering, then, is hard – and often lonely, isolating and undervalued –
work as it is currently configured in the West. But for all that, the positive
dimensions of loving a child and unconditionally being loved back can involve
a profound sense of having achieved something worthwhile, leading to a
deeply meaningful, special life-long relationship. The contradictions, then,
that have formany years characterised feminist and other debates in relation to
mothering and women’s lives show no sign of abating: the relationship is
confusing, compelling, loving and ultimately confounding.
In this chapter aspects of reflexivity will be mapped in order to explore
further dimensions of a reflexively constituted sense of self, and how
selves are made sense of and narrated through a period of transition. This
focus raises several questions. For example, in what ways is a capacity for
reflexivity and narrative assumed in late modernity and do certain life
events prompt periods of heightened reflexivity? How do events that are
inextricably bound up with constructions of selves, especially those involving
embodied change, shed light on how we make and understand our
selves in late modernity? A focus on transition to first-time motherhood
enables us to explore these issues, but also adds further layers of complexity,
for example assumptions made in relation to needs and responsibilities
and essentialist ideas about women’s ‘natural’ capacities. Real, fleshy
maternal bodies are also hard to ignore in any analysis of women becoming
mothers, yet the trap of essentialism lurks at every turn. The irony of
motherhood is that ‘on the one hand it is an unutterably personal array of
experiences’ yet it is largely lived out and measured in the public sphere
(Chase and Rogers, 2001). The context, then, is key as we make sense of
experiences for ourselves – to maintain ontological security – and produce
accounts for others; the two not necessarily being the same thing. The
ways in which our understandings of mothering and motherhood in the
West are powerfully shaped by bodies of expert, authoritative knowledge
and associated practices and their continued grip will also be revisited.
For example, what can the experiences of women living in other cultures
tell us about cultural scripts in the West? The complex interplay between
technology, perceptions of progress and different ways of knowing about
women’s (reproductive) bodies in an increasingly globalised world also
requires further comment. Finally, the methodological issues arising from
the work, and the ways in which a narrative approach may only serve to
reproduce a modernist subject, will be considered.